This is a test blog

This is a totally awesome exerpt for the post that I'm not going to write.

this should be a second paragraph, is that the case? If not we should burn the internet to the ground!

I’m not sure about you, but 2020 continues to bring an onslaught of feelings.

Highs and lows.  Good and bad.

If you can feel it, there’s a good chance it’s been felt this year.

For me, a particular feeling has persisted.

It’s a mix between the feeling of loss and self loathing.  Is there a word for that?

Suffice it to say, that I’ve allowed a fair bit of distraction as a result.

Netflix would be proud of the binges I’ve done.

But like everything, these feelings too have passed.  Leaving only the stain of potential awareness.

Never willing to walk away from a learning experience, I jumped head first into the dark abyss of this potential awareness.

I would love to share with you the “ah ha” that I’ve found, or a perspective that’s sure to bring you more peace.

Instead though, all I have found is the hope for such a find.

And that hope, is cloaked in the shifty winds of questions.  Specifically, one question.

That question is, why do I choose to create these feelings?

The answer, as you’ve probably guessed, is not the point either.

The answer is only the starting line for the work to be done.  To choose to create new feelings.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to get all “woo woo” and rant on about how we hold this magical power to create whatever feelings we want.

While I actually subscribe to that line of thinking, this question is rooted more in the doings of the day, than the latent powers of our mind.

Let me ask you this.  Have you ever had project that you poured yourself into, and before you shared it with anyone else, you felt content in what you had done?

We’re not talking about pride either.  We’re talking about contentedness with yourself and the work you’ve done.

Have you ever felt that?

It’s pretty amazing right?  And my guess is that there were a lot of other things going on in your life at that time as well.  

Maybe you had other projects due for other classes.  Or maybe this project was only one of many you had going on.  

But when you were working, all of the other noise drifted away.  Your were intentional, focused, and engrossed in the moment.

And the result, was a deep contentedness with your self.

Now, bringing us back to the question, why do we choose to create these feelings?

Actually, taking it a bit deeper, why do I do the actions that lead to these feelings?  

We might very well hold the key to creating new feelings.

This questioning leads to another question.  Which comes first, the feeling or the action?

This is the bitch about feelings.  

Feelings are a result.  Not the other way around.

Despite my desire for our feelings to lead to action.

At this point in my life I’ve realized that, personally, I’ve been focusing how I feel more than I have focused the actions to create the feelings I want..

And the result has been, well, chaotic and unintentional at best.

I’m not 100% sure this will lead to a more contented life.  

But, like the Buddhist say “when you’re sick of being sick, you’ll stop being sick.”  

And I don’t know about you, but 2020 has shown me that my “sick” is choosing to pursue the end result instead of focusing on what I can do.  Regardless if it gets if gets where I want to go or not.

This I am I’m “sick” of.

The remedy appears to be to letting feelings of the moment, focusing on work that is likely to produce the feelings I want.  Joy, ease, and a deep contented peace. 

Arguably, there’s no promise that this will get me there.

Whether it does or does not, though, doesn’t matter as much as the fact that I will have taken steps toward less chaos.

This is 100% in my control.

So today, for the next 30 days, I’m pressing the reset button.

Despite the lives or coins I have (thank you Mario Bros), I’m gonna let it go.

Instead of looking to my feelings and outcomes, I’m going to bury my head into doing work that matters to me – for the sake of doing the work.

Every day for the next 30 days, I will actively work toward the life I want.  The work will be in 1 of 3 areas.  The days focus will be either to write or to teach.

The intent for the 30 days is to begin purging myself of habits of wanting to feel a certain way and the expectation of a result.

From there, I aim to continue the habit of doing that which might create the feeling/outcome I want for the sake of doing – regardless of outcome.

In many ways, I hope to become like a tree that provides shade for the sake of doing so.  Free of need or expectation. 

Perhaps this is a lofty ideal, or too far fetched.  

But, and perhaps you feel this way too, the alternative seems like a lesser option.

Besides, if this approach of focusing on The Practice of shipping creative work can work for Seth Godin; it’s well worth committing to exploring the validity for myself.

Table of Contents

Related Articles